The Last Time Traveler Read online

  “Wow!” Robert replied. “Zing! Two in a row! Slow down, Morgan, you’re gonna blow a gasket!”

  “Thank you, thank you!”

  “And seriously…” the traveler sighed. “You’re right. I’m going to ask her!”

  “When?” Morgan asked.

  “Who knows, man?” Robert laughed. “I got all the time in the universe!”

  “Maybe, bro,” the young man replied, shaking his head again, “but I wouldn’t take chances if I were you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just mean,” Morgan explained, “engagement or not, you better start showing Cleo that you really care for her. If you actually do, that is.”

  “What do you mean by that? She knows I love her!”

  “I wouldn’t bet on that, bro,” the young man pointed out, staring his friend in the eyes. “I really wouldn’t.”

  “Well...” the traveler said slowly. “No. You know what? You’re right about that too! And I’m going to start. In fact, I’m going to start right now. Where is she?”

  “Hold on a sec,” Morgan chuckled. “I'm glad you're excited and all, but I said a couple of things, remember?”

  “Okay,” Robert replied leaning back in his seat. “You're right again. You're forming a habit, man. Anyway, go on with part two.”

  “Alright,” Morgan said, taking a deep breath. “I'm getting nowhere with Azure and I can't understand it.”

  “I think I can...”

  “Well I can't!” the young man exclaimed. “I mean, I've done everything you do! I've bragged and lied all over the place!”

  “There's a little more to it than that, Morgan,” the traveler chuckled.

  “Well if there is, I sure don't see it...”

  “The core problem is that you don’t even know what love is.”

  “Well... ” Morgan said slowly before beginning to sing I Want To Know What Love Is.

  “Okay, Morgan!” Robert laughed. “I’ll help you! Just stop singing.”

  “Done!”

  “Alright…” the traveler said, leaning forward in his seat. “Let’s start at the very beginning. From our many previous conversations I can tell that the whole love/lust line is really blurry for you. So we’ll start by turning up the contrast a bit.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Now, I feel confident that you’ve got a whole pocketful of fantasies about Azure…”

  “More like a hot tub full!” Morgan exclaimed.

  “Mmmm,” the traveler nodded. “That’s part of the problem right there, but I have to admit you’re imagery was really good that time.”

  “Thank you!”

  “Either way, do you have a fantasy that involves her where the two of you don’t actually touch at all.”

  “Yeah…” the young man nodded. “I got a couple of those.”

  “Well, that’s a start. Tell me about one.”

  “Alrighty. Now, keep in mind, it’s a fantasy, so not all of it makes sense.”

  “I would have expected nothing less,” Robert replied.

  “Okay. Well for some crazy reason Azure ends up trapped in this large plastic pool…”

  “Large plastic pool?” the traveler asked.

  “Yeah,” the young man replied. “It’s like a kiddy pool, but it’s bigger, so the top of it is up to Azure’s chest.”

  “Mmmm.”

  “And for some reason she’s in like a French bikini,” Morgan continued. “You know what I mean?”

  “I do, Morgan,” the traveler said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And I’m beginning to lose hope. But I guess I might as well finish the ride now that I'm on it. Please, go on…”

  “Okay. So, the pool is filled with marshmallow cream,” the young man explained, “and so everything’s like really slick.”

  “Right…”

  “So Azure can’t get out no matter how hard she tries,” Morgan continued with a huge grin. “She just keeps slipping and falling back in.”

  “Mmmm,” Robert nodded. “And you don’t touch her at all in that fantasy?”

  “No!” Morgan exclaimed. “I just sit in a deck chair eating marshmallows.”

  “Yeah…” the traveler sighed, “that makes sense I guess. We’ll have to try again…”

  “Alrighty.”

  “Do you have any fantasies where you and Azure are watching the sunset or walking through a park holding hands?”

  “I have some that start that way,” Morgan asserted.

  “Clearly I’m going to have to take a different tack,” Robert replied shaking his head. “Tell me, why did you save Azure?”

  “Well, she was about to die!” the young man explained. “What could I do?”

  “Sure…” Robert nodded. “But you didn’t save her because you thought that one day you and she might…”

  “No!” the young man interjected. “Is that what you think of me, bro?!?! I’m not a monster, man!”

  “I don’t think anything like that,” the traveler assured him. “I just wanted to make sure. Remember, I’m trying to help you.”

  “Right.”

  “So, if Azure had been a little old bald man you would have done the same thing?” Robert asked.

  “Well… I probably wouldn’t have yelled Crom, but I still would have tried to save him.”

  “Okay…” Robert sighed. “I’ll bite… Why wouldn’t you have yelled Crom!?”

  “Well, I admit I wanted to plant the idea of Conan in Azure’s mind,” Morgan confessed. “So she’d, you know, kind of link me and Arnold on a subconscious level.”

  “But… She didn’t know anything about human culture… So that really wouldn't have meant anything to her...”

  “Oh yeah…”

  “Either way, Morgan,” the traveler continued, “that’s kind of like love. In fact, it is love. It’s a love for life, love for another creature that doesn’t expect any carnal gratification in return.”

  “Hmmm,” the young man replied, clearly confused.

  “Okay, Morgan,” Robert said. “What would you do if Azure was crazy in love with another guy? Like, so in love with him that she ached over it.”

  “Well…” the young man replied, taking a deep breath. “I guess honestly I'd try to help her get him and then try to persuade you to take me to meet some of those elvish chicks as a reward for my good deed.”

  “I never said there were elvish chicks,” Robert pointed-out, “but I think we’re making headway. Why would you help her get another guy?”

  “I want her to be happy,” Morgan explained. “She deserves it, man.”

  “Bingo!” the traveler exclaimed. “We’ve had a breakthrough! That is love, Morgan.”

  “Man…” Morgan said thoughtfully. “It’s not quite as cool as lust is it?”

  “Two steps forward, one step back…”

  “Anyway,” Morgan replied, “how does that help me?”

  “Well,” the traveler explained, “try to hold onto that feeling when you talk to her. Always try to keep in the very front of your mind that her happiness is what matters most in the universe to you.”

  “Is that what you do with, Cleo?” Morgan asked quite sincerely.

  “Well, ye...” Robert began before stopping. “No, Morgan. No, that's not what I do. It's what I try to do, it's what I want to do, it's what I should do, but it's not what I actually do...”

  “Okay,” the young man nodded. “So, we've both been going about this the wrong way?”

  “Yeah,” the traveler sighed. “I guess we have...”

  “So, what do we do about it?”

  “I think we should start by spending more time with them,” Robert replied. “Together I mean. I certainly can't be left alone with Cleo at the moment, and I don't think Azure would be alone with you without a gun in her hand...”

  “So, we should like go on a double date?”

  “Maybe...” Robert replied thoughtfully. “If we can get Azure to go out with you...”

  �
��We can,” Morgan nodded. “Well, you can. You'll just come up with some brilliant lie or something and there we'll be at dinner with her having no idea how she got there.”

  “You're probably right,” the traveler agreed. “But we have to start small.”

  “Quick question.”

  “Yes?”

  “We're dropping Calvin off on the same night we scanned him right?”

  “Yeah,” the traveler replied. “A couple hours later.”

  “Well, what about that moonlight stroll I was talking about?”

  “Nah, man,” Robert replied. “It'll be a while before I can take another one of those. Like, seriously!”

  “What about all that close sailing edge dancing you were just talking about?”

  “Well, it's easy to talk like that when it's just you and me sitting on the bridge,” the traveler replied. “It's another when I'm strolling down some moonlit lane with Cleo's head on my shoulder...”

  “So you were lying?”

  “Not exactly,” Robert replied. “I mean I really do feel pretty much constant tension and sometimes I can safely pump up the volume, if you follow me. I mean, I can get all up in her face if we're in a seriously crowded room. I could probably even dance with her.”

  “A quick kiss maybe?”

  “On the cheek I can handle sometimes,” he replied. “I think I even did that in front of you once.”

  “You kissed her on the forehead,” Morgan pointed out. “Either way, no moonlight. So, what do we do?”

  “Let's drop Calvin off while I'm thinking,” Robert suggested. “I'll have a plan when we get back to the ship. I mean all you care about is spending more time with Azure, right?”

  “Right!”

  “Alright then,” Robert smiled, “we'll just start really small.”

  A few minutes later Robert, Morgan, and Vox were making their way to Calvin's house with Calvin's unconscious body slung over Vox's shoulder. They dropped him in bed, locked the door, and headed back to the ship. A quick time-check showed that the common cold had been cured right on schedule and billions of people had gotten back to work in the future... or past... or whenever it was... With this accomplishment under their belts, they pointed the ship back toward Never Never Land and jumped into non-space.

  “I'll do all the talking,” Robert said, as he and Morgan wandered through the ship in search of the girls.

  “That's probably for the best,” Morgan admitted.

  They didn't have to look for long, as both beautiful maidens were sitting in Cleo's room just talking and giggling away. Morgan asked Robert to give him a moment to steady himself before they made their presence known. After about ten seconds of hand fanning, a quick brow wipe, and a fresh stick of gum Morgan was ready.

  “Knock, knock,” the traveler said, stepping just within the portal and doing his best sexy lean against the door frame.

  Morgan thought he did it pretty well. He decided to start practicing that himself once he got back to his room for the night.

  “May we come in?” he asked with a devilish smile.

  “You already are,” Cleo replied, glancing up at him, but refusing to turn her head.

  “Well then,” he said, pulling himself upright and strutting into the chamber. “I'll take that as a yes.”

  Morgan took this as yes as well and followed behind on Robert's very heels.

  “And just what is it you two want?” Cleo asked, the slightest trace of a smile on her lips.

  Morgan had a very hard time not telling her exactly what he wanted. But in the end he felt it better to leave the conversation to Robert.

  “Well,” the traveler replied, leaning against the dresser directly across from Cleo's bed, which was what the girls were sitting on, “we two want you two.”

  “And what exactly do you mean by that?” she asked, a single eyebrow raised.

  “Well,” Robert replied, moving slowly nearer, “Me and Morgan here were just lamenting the fact that we couldn't spend the next hour or so in the company of the two most beautiful women we had ever seen. We had almost given up hope when I just happened to remember you two were on board. After a quick discussion we realized that you two were the two most beautiful women we had ever seen. That struck us as an act of fate. So, we decided to drop by and see if you felt the same way about it.”

  “So, you want to spend an hour with us?” Cleo asked.

  “Oh yeah,” Robert replied, stepping right up to her, gazing down into her eyes. “That's exactly what we want. We want you to come up to the bridge with us.”

  “And why is that?” she asked staring up into his face.

  “It's a micro-date,” he explained.

  “And what exactly is a micro-date?”

  “It's like a date,” he replied, gently taking her by the chin, “but it's tiny.”

  “Sorry,” Azure replied with a cruel smile, “but there's not a date small enough for me and Morgan to go out on.”

  “Ow!” Morgan said.

  Cleo giggled.

  “Rob,” she said, a slight blue tint turning her cheeks teal. “What's this really all about?”

  “Well...” he replied turning around and stepping back into the center of the room. “I mean, after all, you are my...”

  “Your what?” she asked, both eyebrows raised.

  “I mean,” he continued, drawing a deep breath, “I am definitely your...”

  “My what?”

  “Don't play coy with me,” he chuckled, shaking his head.

  “What's playing coy?” she asked with a coy smile.

  “Cleo,” the traveler said quite seriously, “you are my girlfriend, aren't you?”

  For several seconds she sat silently staring at him, her breath slightly more shallow and her tint slightly bluer.

  “Yes...” she said finally. “I am your girlfriend, Rob.”

  “And that makes me your boyfriend?”

  “I guess it does, Rob,” she sighed, rolling her eyes.

  “And we've never really been on a date as boyfriend and girlfriend, right?”

  “No... We haven't.”

  “Well,” he said, “that's what this is. I want us to date, but we need to start small. In fact, we need to start micro. Hence micro-date.”

  “What's wrong with you, Cleo?” Morgan asked.

  “What do mean?” she replied.

  “I mean you're changing color!” he observed.

  “No, I'm not,” she insisted, turning ever-so-slightly bluer.

  “Yes you are! You're turning blue!”

  “I am not!”

  “She's fine,” the traveler replied.

  “I ain't sure about that, man!” Morgan said. “She looks like she's asphyxiating! We need to call Doc!”

  “She's blushing, bro...”

  “She's...” the young man began before it dawned on him. “Oh! Right! That's why your lips are blue! You've got blue blood!”

  “That's right,” Robert nodded.

  “And Azure must have purple blood!”

  “Yep. She does.”

  “We have red blood,” Morgan explained.

  “They know, Morgan” Robert pointed-out. “They already know. So, girls, you'll be up there in a few?”

  “Yes, Rob,” Cleo sighed. “We'll be up there in a few.”

  Moments later the guys were sitting on the bridge waiting for the girls.

  “So what are we gonna do when they get here?” Morgan asked.

  “Talk,” the traveler replied.

  “About what?”

  “About whatever, Morgan,” Robert said. “We talk to them all the time.”

  “Then how is this a date?”

  “Micro-date.”

  “Whatever!”

  “Look,” the traveler said, “didn't you just tell me that I should make things official with Cleo?”

  “Yeah,” Morgan nodded.

  “Well,” Robert replied, “that day on the beach wasn't a date because we didn't call it one. This is a d
ate because we're calling it one.”

  “Micro-date.” Morgan pointed out.

  “Whatever!”

  Shortly after this truly astounding intellectual exchange the girls stepped onto the bridge. They had both changed into miniskirts, stockings, stiletto heeled boots, and long sleeve shirts. Morgan's heart skipped several beats.

  “I wish I had brought the defibrillator,” he whispered.

  “Me to,” Robert agreed softly, “that was a lot of fun.”

  As soon as he said this he leapt to his feet, followed instantly by Morgan.

  “You changed,” he smiled, stepping quickly across the floor and offering his hand to Cleo.

  “You didn't,” she observed.

  “Well,” he said, glancing down at his shirt, “I thought seeing me in my action gear might do something for you. Does it?”

  “A little,” she half-smiled. “But next time try to make a little more of an effort.”

  “Absolutely,” he replied, leading her to the seat she always sat in.

  “Okay,” Azure said, staring down at Morgan's outstretched hand. “I want to make one thing clear from the get go. You two are on a micro-date. Morgan and I, however, are on two completely separate and unrelated chaperoning missions. And I want to stress the fact that I'm only here because Cleo asked me to be.”

  Having made her position clear she took Morgan's hand and followed him to her seat.

  “So, Rob,” Cleo said, gazing at him from the sides of her eyes, “what are we doing on this micro-date of ours?”

  “Well,” he replied, glancing over at the clock, “we have about forty-five minutes and I thought we could talk about something other than saving the universe for a change.”

  “You'll never make it forty-five minutes,” she pointed out.

  “I'm willing to try for you,” he smiled.

  “If you say so, Rob,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “What else do you have planned?”

  “I thought we might have a little space ice-cream,” he suggested.

  “Oh no,” she replied, shaking her head. “I don't know if I could stand any more. Do you know how much I've eaten lately?”

  “Not exactly,” he admitted, “but I have noticed that you guys have been having a lot of ice-cream parties without me.”

  “Like when?” Morgan said.

  “Well,” the traveler replied, “we could go back as far as three or four days ago when you guys were all in your room.”